Saturday, April 21, 2012

Give up that need

Image from Lucy's album

We want, need that person to be perfect and we are jolted, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, psychologically, when we discover something about that person that does not sit right with what we have understood to be their message, their thesis, their philosophy, their spirituality. 

We are jolted, disappointed and discouraged, yet again.  We have so wanted to believe that s/he was the true one, the one whom we could finally trust, who had all the answers to all the difficult questions in life. 

But then we discover some little quirk in their character, some flaw in their thinking perhaps, some indiscretion in their personal lives, some action or practice that they perform that seems to contradict their philosophy.  Well, it certainly seems to contradict our perception of their philosophy. 

And we feel let down, yet again.  It reinforces our belief that the world cannot be trusted.  That the world is inherently untrustworthy.  That we are, as we had judiciously suspected all along, random beings expected to make our own random way through this hostile cosmic ocean of biased probabilities, biased against our wellbeing. 

We are, after all, not meant to live freely and joyously.  Haven’t we noticed that the world has been trying to tell us this all along? 
I mean, just look around you and you will see so much suffering.  Just about every other person you meet has or knows someone with cancer.  Or diabetes or heart disease or Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s.  Or a fatal accident.  Or the destitution in Somalia or the corruption in Libya or the terrorism in Afghanistan or…

Take your pick.  It isn’t hard to find something that smacks of suffering.  It’s right on the doorstep of your conscious mind swirling in the vast space of your subconscious mind. 

This leaves you lost, abandoned, yet again.  It was foolish of you to have hoped for that perfect being.  It was foolish of you to have trusted.  It was foolish of you to have let yourself believe all the things s/he said. 

Yes, it all sounded so right, so good.  It struck a very deep and personal chord in your heart which rang truth.  How could you have been so wrong?  So misguided?  So easily led and deceived?  So certain? 

You’re no fool.  You’re more than intelligent.  Heck, you’re even considered wise by many.  How the hell did this happen?  How did you allow it?

This has taught you not to trust anyone.  Anyone. 

But if you feel that there is someone you can trust, then for god’s sake, trust them but don’t rely on them.

That’s right.  There is a difference between trusting and relying.  Sure, go ahead, believe what they say.  After all, it feels good, doesn’t it?  But don’t, for god’s sake, rely on them. 

They’ve got their own lives to live.  They may not be able to rush out and haul you in when you’re drowning.  That’s just how things are.  That’s life.  It’s not their fault.  They were perfect, up to a point. 

So what do you do?  You learn to rely on your Self.  That Self that underlies  you/her/him, your perceptions of yourself and of her/him.  You become acquainted with that Self.  After all, wasn’t that what s/he was helping you do? 

So carry on the work.  That’s something that you’ve not lost.  It’s always there.  It’s always been there and always will be. 

And realize that that Self has always been calling you to itself, through him, through her, through you, through everything that you experience. 

Don’t expect words of consolation from me.  I have few enough for myself.  Find your own. 

Better yet, don’t need to be consoled.  Give up that need.  In its place, think freedom.  You’re free to think a new thought, a new desire, a new expectation, a new dream.

Better yet, don’t think.  Just move in the flow.  It’ll take you to unknown places. 

Wouldn’t that be amazing?  To be free of the known and free to enjoy the unknown?


  1. Free to enjoy the unknown… which means free of fear, at least in my eyes. What do we fear more than the unknown? And isn't that trust you're referring to the same as hope that everything in a person could be KNOWN to us? Isn't the deception, the utter despair we feel just a normal reaction when we finally notice that their remain unknown territories in that Significant Other Person? We can never ever enitrely know one another. And that's something that can hurt a lot. But I guess you're right: we should at least try to know ourselves and to explore our own, inner unknowns. That'll make it easier - maybe just maybe - to tolerate the unknown iof another person...

    1. I have noticed that when we say we fear the 'unknown', what we are really saying is that we are afraid that we will find in the 'unknown' all those things that we already fear.

      If we didn't think this, then what is there to fear in the unknown? So, in actual fact, we subconsciously fear that we will find more of the (known) things that we fear in the unknown.

      And yes,'free to enjoy the unknown' is indeed to be free of fear :). And yes, I do think that there is a part of us that wants to know everything about someone...perhaps, and more often, because we don't want any 'nasty surprises'.

      However, I believe that when we learn to live more and more fearlessly, we can truly enjoy the adventure of knowing/discovering a person (and ourselves) more and more, keeping in mind as we do that we are forever changing, shifting, morphing, expanding beings, not static, complete, 'done' beings :)

      Ouch...that was a rather long sentence!

      BTW, what a great comment...just the kind that opens trails of thought and discoveries. Thank you!

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