Longings Enchantments and Sacred Space

Instead of wondering

2010-01-04T01:41:00.000-08:00

I have this desire to capture my thoughts and feelings as they arise in moments of experience here in the country of my birth, in the town where I grew up, among the people – family and friends – that were an integral part of my life for the first 19 years of my life in this physical form.

I so want to hold these moments to the light of awareness and ask questions such as:

Who was I then?
How did I really feel then?
What did I really think then?
Who is asking these questions now?
Why does she want to know?
How did this event shape me? What did it leave in me? What did it create? What did it destroy?

I want to know where all the fragments of that moment are. Where did they disperse? Where did they collect? Who has them? Will I ever get all the bits together again? What would that feel like? Will it be momentous? Will I be frightened by it or encouraged?

I know I shall not pine for it but there is a certain nostalgia that I cannot seem to shake off. Why?

I sometimes feel like I am an observer, quite apart from who I was, looking into the times of my past, transfixed. I feel somewhat disconnected though not completely.

It is an odd, sweet, musty, haunting, slightly disturbing feeling. There is so much of my past that was painful for me or at least that is what I mostly feel about the past.

Yes, there were joyous moments, triumphant moments, moments of childhood abandon and teenage thrills but they are overshadowed by traumatic episodes, so frequent and so terrifying and that never seemed to end.

I cannot be certain that the past is no longer with me. If anything, these oddly nostalgic moments persuade me that I have never fully left the past and this can be disconcerting at times.

I wonder if I shall always feel this way? I wonder if there will come a time when I will no longer feel this tug of emotions to my past?

Ah Lucy, you surprise yourself though not me! You do know, of course, that you decide exactly what your experiences will be, exactly what will happen to you. So, why wonder? Unless, of course, you are not yet ready to choose? Is that what this is about?

Yes, I am sure that’s exactly what this is about.

There’s one thing about making choices, Lucy. You don’t have to do them straightaway. There’s nothing wrong with not being ready.

That’s true but sometimes, the delay is more debilitating than energizing and so, for that reason, I realize that I’d rather make the decision sooner than later. Not always, but increasingly so.

After all, it is fear that prevents me from making the decision. Fear that:

I might make the wrong one
That I’m forever bound by it
That I will never be able to reverse it or make a different one

Yes, Lucy, it’s always fear of one form or another. But, you are well and truly on your way to recognizing fear in its many forms, even the more subtle forms. That is your awareness.

Shall we learn again the language of love?

2010-01-02T23:57:00.001-08:00

Image from http://price.baltiblogs.com

We watch time
We fill the spaces in between
with attention to random thoughts

Some take us back
to the early years
when we commenced our
walking journey

Some refresh the memory
with recent history

But always
there are feelings
that rock the thoughts
captured by attention

Who knows what goes on in the minds
of those who do not speak?

We rely on spoken language for clues
We rely on behaviors too
But most of all, and increasingly,
we rely on words

They provide us with shortcuts.

not always reliable

often distorting or hiding
unspoken messages

We must learn again
to communicate
without words
in the silent, dynamic language of
gazes into
and away
of
advances
and retreats
of
postures
and gestures
of
contact
and avoidance
so that,

when once again,
we employ words
they shall be
of
great wisdom
great awareness
great patience
great accuracy
for we will have gained
some mastery over
Attentiveness -
the language of love

Imagine every joyous desire this season and it is yours

2009-12-25T23:41:00.000-08:00

Imagine…

Peace in your heart
Joy in your spirit
Love in every thought, word and deed…
Imagine it…
Intend it…
Allow it…
And so it is…

Dear Friend

May you feel the presence of angels
Around you at all times
May you hear their sweet singing
Upon the tinkling of their harps
May you rest softly in their arms
And soar high upon their wings
May their good tidings remind you
That you are blessed now and always
May this Christmas be a time of
Wonder, Hope and Faith that now
And in the year to come,
And in every moment
You are in Love’s inescapable presence!
Blessings of Joy, Abundance, Power and Peace!

Love always,
Lucy

Love, devotion and surrender

2009-12-03T01:48:00.000-08:00

He pierces my soul, with tenderness - a sublimation. I’m lost deep in the womb of my eternal birth where all emotions are laid bare, plumbed, a willing victim of healing rape.

Why? How does he do this? I can no longer distinguish the man from his music. I’ve listened to him for decades now and still he penetrates me like no other. Ah, perhaps one other – the solitude of an adagio.

But it’s neither slowness nor solitude in his music that overpowers me, for although there are periods of both, there are also movements of searing speed that tear after impossibly long sustained notes of ecstasy - permitting an unparalleled climactic release.

How does it do me? How am I done? If I only knew!

I find myself, once more, delivered to unknown places, spent like a woman made love to over and over again. Her lover, of angelic descent, it would seem - tender, powerful, knowing, impeccable with timing, fulfilling in every way and unforgettable.

But look for ‘him’, and he’s not there! It’s not that he’s left, it’s simply that he wasn’t ever there.

And I? I haven’t the faintest and for many, long years, it never mattered.

Why does it now?

Perhaps because the angel’s light has finally coaxed open my sleeping eyes and lifted me from my love-worn stupor. Perhaps I am now finally ready to rise into the light.

With love, devotion and surrender.

Sleep now your final sleep

2009-11-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

Image at

Sleep now your final sleep
It's finished
this long journey
which never really began
and cannot ever end
yet, for now, drops you off
at heaven's door

The angels are waiting
their harps
softly tinkling
their wings
spread wide
to shield you, just briefly,
from love's blinding light

You'll happily rest
in their safe embrace
and watch with eyes closed
the celebration
of your return
leaving your smile
in tomorrow's rainbow

So, my love
sleep your final sleep
for I am at last ready
to say goodbye

When it all gets too much, write a poem

2009-11-15T21:44:00.000-08:00

Original image distorted by Lucy

Huh!
You thought it would be easy!
After all, wasn't your brain firing off
in a trillion different places just then?
Wasn't emotion surging through you
like a hurricane through Florida?
But now, sitting as you do,
at your keyboard
the ghosts have vacated
the brain has frozen
the s-urge is no more!
And all that's left
is a sickening suspense
a diary of unfinished thoughts
a mausoleum of hidden decay
an unresolved tragedy
a gaping wound
with no chance of healing.
Huh!

Go home!
It's all over
for now
Settle yourself
Find something else
to do
You should know by now
it's all over
long, long before
you realize.

Forget my advice
When it all gets too much
curse loudly into the wind
The ghosts will pick it up
and torment someone else instead
We hope.

Just don't
don't write a poem
Don't consecrate
the sacrilege
with your ritual of
fine words and provoking metaphors
Such symbols are wasted
in the wasteland of phantom emotions

Oh, but what the hell
If you must
then write
write a poem
when it all gets too much.

2009-11-15T20:38:00.001-08:00

(Not) A weather report

2009-10-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

Image from Lucy's album

My attention is torn from my writing
by the sudden, raucous rustling of leaves
in the high, sprawling branches of the fig trees
unfurling noisily in blasts of wind
like waves
in a grumbling ocean
whose roar grows very loud
then recedes into
disquieting periods of
quiet

They are lusty and strong, these leaves
Spring's latest and uncontrolled litter
Thrusting upward and spread flat
Harvesting sunlight to fuel
organic factories

We have a mutual respect, I think,
for each other
though not necessarily, mutual
benefit
I cannot help but think that I have
given them little
while they have given me
so much more

Only now can I truthfully say

2009-09-28T22:33:00.001-07:00

Image from Lucy's album

You cut the cord of conditional love
by leaving.
I tried desperately to repair it –
Tears, pleas, remonstrations, messages, silence
A pitiful ensemble of self-inflicted pain
and, fortunately,
impotent

Meanwhile, the stream flowed
as steady as ever
unperturbed
like a sleeping
babe

I sat by it
days and nights
wondering at its constancy
its unremarkable magic
of being shaped by the land around it
yet wearing it away
and every stone or boulder in its course,
eventually

Such, I realized, is the nature of
unconditional love
Indeed, there is no other love
for that is love’s quality -
unconditional

And like the stream -
constant
and like its unremarkable magic -
unstoppable
And like the love I’ve now discovered -
free, limitless and without
need

Only now can I truthfully say:
I love you.

For what it's worth

2009-09-28T05:58:00.000-07:00

For what it's worth
my arms are open
my heart is warm
my thoughts are loving

For what it's worth
my breathing is gentle
my eyes see goodness
my steps are chosen with care

For what it's worth
I'd rather leave this earth
having sought only peace, joy, goodness and freedom

For what it's worth
I'm still discovering
my uncaused, infinite, imperishable worth.

And what about you?

Unexpectedly

2009-09-23T00:15:00.000-07:00

Image from Lucy's album

Dusty sienna
sweeping across my backyard
menacingly
a cosmic sneeze
poised to
erupt

The glow
burns its way
into an unexpected
memory

I look on
a reluctant voyeur
eager to return
to my vague
Now

But the sweetness
Oh where does it come from?
It trails me
like honey
unable to leave
the spoon that's
scooped it

I breathe in
the air of
Now
feeling its
eternal age
upon my
wondering
breasts

It's familiar
this unseen dust
Its message
portent

I return
assured
Now is
all there is.

Eruption

2009-09-18T22:33:00.000-07:00

Image from Blogspan

T   o u    c    h................ ing
S o f t.......... ly
M    o v e.................... ing
S     l      o    w......... ly

Erupting

Exploding

The
shock

Excited,
molecules
scatter
unpredictably
across the sense-scape
of my
human-ness

Do the angels in heaven tremble
like I do?
Do they shimmer in radiant dust clouds
of ecstasy
like I do?
Do they feel, like I do,
that the world has finally ended
while I
have
finally
begun?

In a world

2009-08-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

Self-Portrait
(Click here to listen to me singing this)

In a world
A world of our creation
In a world
Of our imagination
You will see
what you have
learned to see
You will feel
what you have learned to feel

Can you see
nature's startling beauty
Can you feel
her moving mist of peace
It's up to you
to reach for higher things
It's up to you
to seek for meaning
'Cos it's a world
A world of your creation
It's a world
of your imagination

Part the clouds
and touch the sky
Always there
and reaching high
Shake the dust
from off your feet
For underneath drums
Love's constant beat

In a world
A world of wild enchantment
In a world
Of sweet intoxication
Poets roam
sometimes in desolation
The lost come home
from numbing isolation
'Cos it's a world
A world of their creation
Yes, it's a world
Of their imagination

Part the clouds
and touch the sky
Always there
and reaching high
Shake the dust
from off your feet
For underneath drums
Love's constant beat

It's a world
A world of our creation
It's a world
Of our imagination...
Of sweet intoxication...
You create...your world
You create...your world

Copyright 2009 Lucy Lopez

The Conscious Mind

2009-07-04T22:22:00.000-07:00

Image from Flickr

How I wish
that I could
set myself to
Happiness
and remain there
forever

How I wish
that the dancing light of
Joy
moved into
every dark corner
leaving no room
for hurt, fear
and despair

How I wish
that the ocean of
Freedom
engulfed me
dissolving me
in its
unstoppable waves

How I wish
that every breath of mine
was a breath of
pure Love
filling me with the
complete goodness
of Life

But most of all
how I wish
for the
conscious mind of
Awareness
so that none of these
are hidden from me.

Between the long shadows

2009-06-08T20:42:00.000-07:00

Image

Between the
long shadows
of the slipping sun
the spirit of
unspoken sorrows
hovers
trapped in its own
confusion
unable to tell
formless fact
from
fleeting fiction
Ducking and diving
it makes
hollow proclamations
of love
understanding neither
its entreaties
nor its
intent
yet knowing
beyond its own
shadows of doubt
the scourge
of its
endless exile.

Your radiant love!

2009-06-04T18:14:00.000-07:00

Radiance by Brent Boechler at bau-xi

I want to
float
unimpeded
on an
imperturbable
bed of
silken, shimmering
ocean
traveling forever
in your
timeless, endlessness

I want to
soar
weightless
through
frictionless
air
charged
by the
radiance
of your
love

I want to
be
shattered
into
iridescence
seen only
by
the unseen eye
of
truth

I want to
be
the glow, the glint, the gleam
that remains
when all else
congeals
into
dim abstraction
The spark
in your
radiant love!

The only note

2009-06-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

Image

It melted
like candy floss
on a warm tongue
the anguish
that steadily rose
in the wake of
yet another
public duty
unattended
crackled and fizzled out
dissolving in
the cypher
of love
you sent me
so that I
remain
the only note
in your
wandering
symphony

Too wasted to go home

2009-05-31T03:56:00.000-07:00

Image from Nasa

Oh
to be sure
of my desire
for you!
Even though
I fear
your awesome
might
Even though
I doubt
your ardent
entreaties
Even though
I court
the fickle
winds
of popular
belief
Even though
I collapse
exhausted
by my own
capriciousness
I know
there is
no where else
that I shall
find rest
but in you.
So
let me be sure
of my desire
for you
For without it
I am but
dust
adrift in a
ceaseless sirocco
too wasted
to go home!

Magic!

2009-05-26T22:04:00.000-07:00

Redland Bay by Lucy

Once again
the day withdraws
into the
vast unknown
hiding all
of life
in watchful
darkness
Such magic
right before my eyes
that what was once
emerald, jade
and peridot
cobalt, sapphire
and ice
are now coal-grey
shrouded
as if
by the veil
of night
Right before my eyes
day has become night!
Magic, I say
nothing less!
The same
spell-binding magic
when my fear
becomes
freedom
right before
your love-filled eyes.

You have courted me

2009-05-28T04:47:00.000-07:00

Image from Flickr

Rarefied
yet reminiscent
of unsoiled
yielding
splendour
The inward
outward breath
rolls
mortality
through the
infinite cosmic-scape
leaving in its path
the soundless sigh
of eternity
in which
you
have
courted
me
endlessly
and I
have
foolishly
refused to
succumb!

Can love be more?

2009-05-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

Image from Playseesmile

It gets subtler
this dream
that I live
It gets subtler
this I
that I call me
It gets subtler
this line
of separation
Against
the grinding weight
of unawareness
the transparent
noumena!
Radiant rapture
self-revealing
neither beheld
nor beholding
Can love
the unchanging presence
be more?

The unsurpassable delight

2009-05-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Image from Jakking

Have I not
touched
the freedom
of non-attachment?
Have I not
been spent
with ecstasy
from love unmade?
Has my languor
not been
sweetened by
your ageless perfume?
Haven't the
shadows
of my gloom
been irradiated by
the lustre of
your truth?
Haven't I
died
and risen
in the womb
of your
eternally unfolding mystery?
Why then
do I scrounge
in mindless desperation
for scraps of
fleeting relief
hoping
as only a fool would
that they will
somehow offer
the unsurpassable
delight
that is only ever found
in
you?

Completed at last

2009-05-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

Image from Boston

Enchanted
by the
whisper
of
abraxas
in my heart
Disarmed
by the
unconditionality
of
your gaze
Silenced
by the
desire
in
your lips
on mine
Enthralled
by the
symphony
of
your spirit
in me
Filled
by the
emptiness
of
all needs
Completed
at last
as I
have
always been
in
us.

Freedom itself!

2009-05-21T21:48:00.000-07:00

Image from Flickr

Is it your sigh
that hangs
in this
smoke-blue day?
Is it your gaze
that reflects off
each leaf upon
tree and ground?
Is it your touch
that moves
in the air around?
Is it your prayer
that lifts
my thoughts
into lofty grandeur?
Is it your love
that rings
through
this sacred space
that I have learned
to call
by
my name?
Ah,
to disappear
and leave
only you
in my place!
It is insane
that I
deny myself
such
freedom!

My heart is anxious

2009-05-20T18:57:00.000-07:00

Image

And now that
the rain has ceased
having left its traces
of diamond drops
glittering in the
new light of an
ancient sun
my heart is anxious
for the day to
quickly end
and dusk's
gossamer vigil
to lure me
once more
into its sweet
alcove
where you
my darling
await me