I was mad

I was seething, writhing, frothing mad! Three years now, I have been training her to listen to me, obey my commands and all of that undone in a moment of…what??? Wilfulness? Stupidity? I am angry because I feel I have failed. Again! Others seemed to have trained their dogs well, why can’t I? I cannot help noticing similarities with my children.

How I did my best. How I bore the anguish, strived to overcome my impatience, my anger, my hurt. How I meditated, trained my mind, kept finding ways of putting my hurt aside. That was the hardest. That still is the hardest, to put my hurt aside and continue to love. To feel love, to show love, to love despite the indignation, the criticism, the ignoring, the sullen silence that I was tempted toward. So hard. So punishing. I am weary. A failure.

And I? I cannot but love you, despite what you think of yourself. Why, not to adore you would be suicide! I am alive for you and you alone.

Do you not feel my ugliness? My contemptibility? How could you possibly love me as I am, as I feel thus? I can barely stand myself.

Ah flower! Sweet, sweet bud of heaven, raging seas could not match your anger nor thunder explode louder than your frustration, but only those who have eyes and ears to see and feel it could see and feel it. And I happen to have neither.

So you are blind and deaf? And if you are, how can I possibly take seriously your endearing words, your entreaties, your disarming poetry? It is a sham and I want nothing of it!

At the frequency of Love

At the frequency of love
All doubts are stilled
All fear disappears
Jealousy is allowed to leave quietly
Anger is offered a choice

At the frequency of love
All matter is created for one thing
And one thing alone
The expression of love

The universe vibrates
At the frequency of love
Why then do you and I not feel it?
Why then do you and I crave this and that?
Why do we find ourselves
Afraid
Hurt
Vengeful
Powerless
When the universe vibrates
At the frequency of love?

Remember your dream as you slept?
So real it seemed
That nothing else was
Indeed, nothing else existed
While you were caught in your dream
Until you awoke
And reclaimed yourself, your life?

So it is, that you and I
Are caught in the dream of human existence
Where you and I and all our experiences
Our thoughts, our words,
Our actions and reactions,
All of these appear so real
So real, we forget
That we are only dreaming
Only dreaming this life into what it is
Only dreaming this life into what it has been
Only dreaming this life into what it will be

A dream, my friend
A grand, compelling, alluring, spell-binding, intoxicating dream
But a dream no less
A dream in which the frequency of love is no more
For the frequency of love is only experienced
When you are Awake!

It is then that you can reclaim your Self which you never lost
It is then that you can reclaim your Life which you never began
It is then and only then, that you can truly live
In the freedom, the peace, the joy, the wonder, the limitlessness
That you truly are
At the frequency of love!

Awake my friend
And live at last
In the frequency of love!

© Lucy Lopez 2009