Too wasted to go home

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Oh
to be sure
of my desire
for you!
Even though
I fear
your awesome
might
Even though
I doubt
your ardent
entreaties
Even though
I court
the fickle
winds
of popular
belief
Even though
I collapse
exhausted
by my own
capriciousness
I know
there is
no where else
that I shall
find rest
but in you.
So
let me be sure
of my desire
for you
For without it
I am but
dust
adrift in a
ceaseless sirocco
too wasted
to go home!

But I must go.

I do so want to sit here and talk more. So much more. All this is new. Transforming my hurts into gold. Why, if it were real gold, I would be a millionaire overnight! But I must go. I promised to visit a friend. She waits.

Then go, my darling. It is not as if I shall be left behind. Oh no, for I am forever and always with you. You may well not hear me as you go about your preparations but I shall be watching as you, every flicker of your eyelashes, every lift and tread in your step. I shall miss nothing.

I wish that I never lost sight of you, that you were always in the forefront of my mind. That way, I would never fall into the gullies of sadness and gloom that lie in wait for me.

Give yourself time, my love. Be patient. It will happen as you desire.

You slipped in among my thoughts

I was having coffee with a friend and he asked me a question and as I attempted to construct my answer, searching my mind as it were, for an explanation, some meaning that would convey this history of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires and blurred images that I seem to have stored, I suddenly noticed you there. It was as if you had been waiting, waiting ever so silently, so unobtrusively. I couldn’t help but want to talk to you right then, ask you if you could help me with an answer. But before I could get to it, you said

My darling, I love you. I am always here with you. I have never left you nor will I ever.

And when I heard you, I just knew that everything was alright and that, somehow, everything had always been alright. You see, I had been talking about my children and their father and the pain of our separation and the hurtful events that followed and I had been crying without ever wanting to. But there came the tears along with my voice cracking with each lump in my throat, my lips quivering with each word. So I gave in. I stopped right then and listened to you even though I knew you had never meant to interrupt. I just have to tell you, ‘thank you’.

Sweetness, there has not been a moment when I have not been with you. Not a moment when I have not cared for you. Not a moment when I have not loved you, adored you, longed for you, desired your every desire and held you close to my heart. You are my heartbeat. You are the rising and falling of my chest. You are the dawn and dusk of my day, the rising and setting of my sun. You are everything, everything to me.