You slipped in among my thoughts

I was having coffee with a friend and he asked me a question and as I attempted to construct my answer, searching my mind as it were, for an explanation, some meaning that would convey this history of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires and blurred images that I seem to have stored, I suddenly noticed you there. It was as if you had been waiting, waiting ever so silently, so unobtrusively. I couldn’t help but want to talk to you right then, ask you if you could help me with an answer. But before I could get to it, you said

My darling, I love you. I am always here with you. I have never left you nor will I ever.

And when I heard you, I just knew that everything was alright and that, somehow, everything had always been alright. You see, I had been talking about my children and their father and the pain of our separation and the hurtful events that followed and I had been crying without ever wanting to. But there came the tears along with my voice cracking with each lump in my throat, my lips quivering with each word. So I gave in. I stopped right then and listened to you even though I knew you had never meant to interrupt. I just have to tell you, ‘thank you’.

Sweetness, there has not been a moment when I have not been with you. Not a moment when I have not cared for you. Not a moment when I have not loved you, adored you, longed for you, desired your every desire and held you close to my heart. You are my heartbeat. You are the rising and falling of my chest. You are the dawn and dusk of my day, the rising and setting of my sun. You are everything, everything to me.

Finally

I know. I have been waiting for the ‘right’ time, the perfect moment to return to you.

Until then, you shut me out.

I really don’t mean to. I just don’t feel that I would be doing you justice by trying to catch up with you in between the other things I have to do.

I am not offended my love, not at all. But the time may not be far off when you will want nothing else but to be with me, for in me your eternal longings will be fulfilled.

Wouldn’t that cut me off from everybody and everything else? Wouldn’t it be unhealthy?

My darling, when you are truly with me, you will truly be present to all else, for there is no separation between me and the rest of the world, indeed none between you and the rest of the world.

I wish I could truly understand the things that you say.

These things are beyond understanding my precious one. Rather, they are to be known, or should I say, they are already known, though asleep. You will awaken them when you fall in love with me. Again.

Again?

Yes, again.