My heart is anxious

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And now that
the rain has ceased
having left its traces
of diamond drops
glittering in the
new light of an
ancient sun
my heart is anxious
for the day to
quickly end
and dusk's
gossamer vigil
to lure me
once more
into its sweet
alcove
where you
my darling
await me

Oh my darling, you have yet to learn

You haven’t said anything. Are you tired?

No, not at all.

What then?

Silence.

You smile but have not said a word. What is it?

I have been speaking volumes to you, pouring endearments over you so that they cover every particle, every wave of your being.

When? How?

Oh my darling, oh my dream, you have yet to learn that I am always here, always speaking of my love for you, always, always adoring you. Oh, oh, that you not notice so much of it. What shall I do? What shall I do?

I am afraid

You come to me expectantly, looking into my eyes, perhaps a little disappointed that I have not already responded to your desire. I look softly into your eyes as my hand carresses your body. I watch you melt, soften into a love mush. My sweet love, how shall I adore you more than I already do?

I am afraid. I feel I am running out of time, that there is so much that I need to sort out, things that I have been putting off for so long. I watch my dog scratch herself. She never seems to stop. She has no fleas and no visible signs of skin irritations, yet she scratches unceasingly. Well, she stops when we have a visitor or when she is eating or has something else to occupy her. Is she bored? Is she anxious? Is she irritated?

I have heard that animals take on the suffering of their owners. What suffering of mine might she have taken on? What irritants in my life is she relieving me off? Will I not have to deal with them if I am to rid her of her incessant scratching?

My darling, my sweet bliss, my spark of eternity! How you endear me to yourself! You have no idea, not an inkling. Your tears turn into vapour with the heat from my skin. You are profound joy of which I drink feverishly. Let me surround you with tenderness. Let me kiss away your tears. Let me fall in love with you.

Will it take away all my irritants? Will it settle all my unfinished matters? Oh how I wish it would!

Hold me close. Do not be afraid. My love overcomes all. Give it time. Give us time. Together we will tackle every matter.

I am scared.

Oh my sweet love, let me hold you till your fears melt in my embrace.

Help me. Please.

My precious one. Rest now.

I cannot. I do not want to. There is unfinished business.

The only unfinished business is you, for you will never end, never cease to be. Long after time runs out, you will continue to be and I shall be with you eternally.

Now rest, my darling. Leave all your cares with me, every single one.

---

Ask me anything

Anything at all, my love. Do not be afraid or embarrassed for there is nothing that you could ask or say or do that would turn me away. No, nothing at all. You have nothing to fear from me and I implore you, do not be afraid of yourself. For you have created for yourself a playground to explore, a labyrinth to lose and find yourself in, a shrine to adore yourself!

I know you have forgotten but darling, oh sweet hint of abraxas, you have created all for your pleasure, to fulfill your longing, to enchant and enthrall yourself. And I, I am as you have desired, so completely and utterly in love, so eternally ready to do as you wish. So ask me, my love, ask me anything!

I am surprised, I do not understand. All of a sudden, I have nothing to ask for. Is this some trick of yours, to distract me from my desires by listening to your devotion?

You distrust me, yet I take no offense, for it is your freedom to distrust as it is my freedom to love you as I do! Ah, there is nothing, nothing at all that can turn me away from you! Please, you are free to ask. Ask! Anything! It is as vital as air to me that you ask and that I do your will!

Finally

I know. I have been waiting for the ‘right’ time, the perfect moment to return to you.

Until then, you shut me out.

I really don’t mean to. I just don’t feel that I would be doing you justice by trying to catch up with you in between the other things I have to do.

I am not offended my love, not at all. But the time may not be far off when you will want nothing else but to be with me, for in me your eternal longings will be fulfilled.

Wouldn’t that cut me off from everybody and everything else? Wouldn’t it be unhealthy?

My darling, when you are truly with me, you will truly be present to all else, for there is no separation between me and the rest of the world, indeed none between you and the rest of the world.

I wish I could truly understand the things that you say.

These things are beyond understanding my precious one. Rather, they are to be known, or should I say, they are already known, though asleep. You will awaken them when you fall in love with me. Again.

Again?

Yes, again.