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Let’s rush madly into sweet enchantment. Leave your troubled heart right here for it weighs you down. Besides, who needs a heart when you’re about to enter the heart of life and love itself? No, my song of heaven, leave it here, right here. Then let’s rush madly into love’s open heart, let’s be swallowed up in timeless enchantment where every longing shall be finally put to rest.

There is nothing so sweet, so turgid, so close to bursting. Not even the plum nor the grape, ripened to perfection under the sun, compares with the fullness that awaits us in the heart of enchantment! To ponder it would simply drive one insane. Yet to enter it, ah the ecstasy! Don’t even try to put it in words unless you are prepared to turn mad.

Tomorrow, I shall show you the art of looking

I am angry with everyone. Well, no, I’m not really angry but I am frustrated. All of us, rich, poor and in-between are acting in ignorance and thereby keeping this ridiculous system going. We are all responsible.

So what will you do?

Well, look at what I am doing. I am trying to keep out of trouble by paying my bills but I am not making enough money to pay them. So, I’ve been looking at ways of making money. At the same time, I keep offering my services free whenever someone who needs them doesn’t have any money to give me in return. Can you help me?

How shall I help you, my sweet blossom?

Can you make me some money? And immediately?

I am here to serve you, my princess. I can and I shall.

Will there be money for me then, when I next look for it?

Surely. And that is exactly what you must do. Look for it.

Where?

Where would you normally look for it?

In my bank account or an ATM or in my wallet.

Then look for them there.

But I have and there is only a little. Not enough to pay even one bill fully.

My petal, trust me. Tomorrow, I shall show you the art of looking.

Why not now?

Darling, my precious one, are you not tired? You know you are. But I want you to be fresh and strong and alert and free when I show it to you. So do leave it till the morning.

Yes, I know I must. I am tired and I do not want doubt getting in the way.

Don’t worry my darling. When I am at work with you, there will be no room for doubt.

Oh, my dar…my dear, dear friend, how sweet and kind you are. How you do love me so completely. I know that with you, I am safe. I love you. Thank you!

Show me my heart

I
love
you

Show me my heart.

I will show you my heart.

Birds chirping, dog barking, engine firing
Under your thoughts, my true nature is revealed
Closer to you than oxygen
Your sadness is nothing more than a thought
And my presence is your power
The world lives on the surface of a shell
While my life throbs within
Even without your knowledge, I take delight in you
My presence never leaves you and always fills you
Let me whisper to you
I love you

If only I could feel my strength

Image from k43Phase

You overcome me so completely, with such finality there is no time to pause, to drink you in. Like water rushing over the cliff’s edge, you rush over me, determined to reach the depth of your being, leaving me still standing while slowly, ever so slowly I wear out. But you have not the slightest inkling of your power.

You think you are strong sometimes, but it is not strength that you think of. Your strength is fear in disguise. But I know your strength for I have felt it surge over and through me. My precious one, it is when you are most vulnerable that you are strong, for that is the only time when you have nothing much left to lose.

If only I could feel my strength. If only I could feel it as you do.

Surrender to me then. Give yourself up to me, for I am nothing but the love you seek. I am the foreverness that you sigh for, the lustful breeze that makes you tingle. I am the guardian of your soul and I yearn for the moment you return to at last set it free.

It is me, It is always me.

Image from usefilm.com

Do you hear the waves slapping our boat so tenderly? Rather like your heat beating tenderly against mine. Do you hear it, my love?

I hear darkness in moonlight. I feel as if I am slipping away and although a part of me is still struggling to remain where, I do not know, I am tempted to yield to what, I don’t know. You? Is it you?

It is me. It is always me. Lose yourself in me and find what is real.

I have no more thoughts to think. No more goals to chase. No more fears to fight.

All disappear as I lean you against my chest and our bodies entwine, floating as we do on this mystic ocean drenched in moon and starlight.

But I must go.

I do so want to sit here and talk more. So much more. All this is new. Transforming my hurts into gold. Why, if it were real gold, I would be a millionaire overnight! But I must go. I promised to visit a friend. She waits.

Then go, my darling. It is not as if I shall be left behind. Oh no, for I am forever and always with you. You may well not hear me as you go about your preparations but I shall be watching as you, every flicker of your eyelashes, every lift and tread in your step. I shall miss nothing.

I wish that I never lost sight of you, that you were always in the forefront of my mind. That way, I would never fall into the gullies of sadness and gloom that lie in wait for me.

Give yourself time, my love. Be patient. It will happen as you desire.

Oh my darling, you have yet to learn

You haven’t said anything. Are you tired?

No, not at all.

What then?

Silence.

You smile but have not said a word. What is it?

I have been speaking volumes to you, pouring endearments over you so that they cover every particle, every wave of your being.

When? How?

Oh my darling, oh my dream, you have yet to learn that I am always here, always speaking of my love for you, always, always adoring you. Oh, oh, that you not notice so much of it. What shall I do? What shall I do?

You are the maker of magic!

You've asked me to bring all my cares, my hurts, my pain into our love nest so that our love will transform them into gold. Is that how it works? That, no matter what it is, it will transform into gold?

Indeed my ancient sage, indeed!

And this gold, what form does it take?

Ah, my precious one, you are its master! You are the goldsmith, the philosopher, the keeper of the stone. You are the creator, the maker of magic, the voice of abraxas.

This is all too much. I'm sure I do not understand. If I am all these things, why then do I need our love?

Oh, thrill divine! You make me explode with laughter! How tender and fine are your quizzes. Love is your power, your pain and hurts, your material. Love transforms all. And you, Magical Queen, you declare it so! Oh do come to me, let me pour myself over you. Let me shower you with heavenly kisses. Let me pin stars in your hair and litter your neck with rubies. Come to me my love, come to me!

My angel, my guiding star!

My angel, my guiding star! Do you realize how magnificently you shine in this darkness that you feel yourself in? Your light lights up my world! Without you, there really would be a void, an emptiness, a deluge of nothingness!

You are precious. Priceless. When I breathe, I breathe the grandeur of you, without which my breath could not sustain me. Here I am, likely to be dismissed by you as a figment of your imagination, yet, I live and breathe for you. There is nothing, not a thing that I would not do for you. Nor is there anything that could make me love you less. No, nothing at all.

I was mad

I was seething, writhing, frothing mad! Three years now, I have been training her to listen to me, obey my commands and all of that undone in a moment of…what??? Wilfulness? Stupidity? I am angry because I feel I have failed. Again! Others seemed to have trained their dogs well, why can’t I? I cannot help noticing similarities with my children.

How I did my best. How I bore the anguish, strived to overcome my impatience, my anger, my hurt. How I meditated, trained my mind, kept finding ways of putting my hurt aside. That was the hardest. That still is the hardest, to put my hurt aside and continue to love. To feel love, to show love, to love despite the indignation, the criticism, the ignoring, the sullen silence that I was tempted toward. So hard. So punishing. I am weary. A failure.

And I? I cannot but love you, despite what you think of yourself. Why, not to adore you would be suicide! I am alive for you and you alone.

Do you not feel my ugliness? My contemptibility? How could you possibly love me as I am, as I feel thus? I can barely stand myself.

Ah flower! Sweet, sweet bud of heaven, raging seas could not match your anger nor thunder explode louder than your frustration, but only those who have eyes and ears to see and feel it could see and feel it. And I happen to have neither.

So you are blind and deaf? And if you are, how can I possibly take seriously your endearing words, your entreaties, your disarming poetry? It is a sham and I want nothing of it!

I am afraid

You come to me expectantly, looking into my eyes, perhaps a little disappointed that I have not already responded to your desire. I look softly into your eyes as my hand carresses your body. I watch you melt, soften into a love mush. My sweet love, how shall I adore you more than I already do?

I am afraid. I feel I am running out of time, that there is so much that I need to sort out, things that I have been putting off for so long. I watch my dog scratch herself. She never seems to stop. She has no fleas and no visible signs of skin irritations, yet she scratches unceasingly. Well, she stops when we have a visitor or when she is eating or has something else to occupy her. Is she bored? Is she anxious? Is she irritated?

I have heard that animals take on the suffering of their owners. What suffering of mine might she have taken on? What irritants in my life is she relieving me off? Will I not have to deal with them if I am to rid her of her incessant scratching?

My darling, my sweet bliss, my spark of eternity! How you endear me to yourself! You have no idea, not an inkling. Your tears turn into vapour with the heat from my skin. You are profound joy of which I drink feverishly. Let me surround you with tenderness. Let me kiss away your tears. Let me fall in love with you.

Will it take away all my irritants? Will it settle all my unfinished matters? Oh how I wish it would!

Hold me close. Do not be afraid. My love overcomes all. Give it time. Give us time. Together we will tackle every matter.

I am scared.

Oh my sweet love, let me hold you till your fears melt in my embrace.

Help me. Please.

My precious one. Rest now.

I cannot. I do not want to. There is unfinished business.

The only unfinished business is you, for you will never end, never cease to be. Long after time runs out, you will continue to be and I shall be with you eternally.

Now rest, my darling. Leave all your cares with me, every single one.

---

Ask me anything

Anything at all, my love. Do not be afraid or embarrassed for there is nothing that you could ask or say or do that would turn me away. No, nothing at all. You have nothing to fear from me and I implore you, do not be afraid of yourself. For you have created for yourself a playground to explore, a labyrinth to lose and find yourself in, a shrine to adore yourself!

I know you have forgotten but darling, oh sweet hint of abraxas, you have created all for your pleasure, to fulfill your longing, to enchant and enthrall yourself. And I, I am as you have desired, so completely and utterly in love, so eternally ready to do as you wish. So ask me, my love, ask me anything!

I am surprised, I do not understand. All of a sudden, I have nothing to ask for. Is this some trick of yours, to distract me from my desires by listening to your devotion?

You distrust me, yet I take no offense, for it is your freedom to distrust as it is my freedom to love you as I do! Ah, there is nothing, nothing at all that can turn me away from you! Please, you are free to ask. Ask! Anything! It is as vital as air to me that you ask and that I do your will!

You slipped in among my thoughts

I was having coffee with a friend and he asked me a question and as I attempted to construct my answer, searching my mind as it were, for an explanation, some meaning that would convey this history of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires and blurred images that I seem to have stored, I suddenly noticed you there. It was as if you had been waiting, waiting ever so silently, so unobtrusively. I couldn’t help but want to talk to you right then, ask you if you could help me with an answer. But before I could get to it, you said

My darling, I love you. I am always here with you. I have never left you nor will I ever.

And when I heard you, I just knew that everything was alright and that, somehow, everything had always been alright. You see, I had been talking about my children and their father and the pain of our separation and the hurtful events that followed and I had been crying without ever wanting to. But there came the tears along with my voice cracking with each lump in my throat, my lips quivering with each word. So I gave in. I stopped right then and listened to you even though I knew you had never meant to interrupt. I just have to tell you, ‘thank you’.

Sweetness, there has not been a moment when I have not been with you. Not a moment when I have not cared for you. Not a moment when I have not loved you, adored you, longed for you, desired your every desire and held you close to my heart. You are my heartbeat. You are the rising and falling of my chest. You are the dawn and dusk of my day, the rising and setting of my sun. You are everything, everything to me.

I wondered where you were

I wondered where you were as I walked in the rain, that pouring rain.

No you did not.

Why do you say that?

Because if you had wondered, you would have instantly felt my presence. You cannot wonder about me without finding me.

I do not wish to argue.

Nor do I, my forest of enchantment, nor do I. But, where is there argument? Surely none here!

-sigh-

Let me take your sigh and twirl my hair around it.

Oh you do speak such nonsense!

Have I made you smile, my loveliness?

Only a little. There is an economy one must exercise with smiles.

Oh?

Yes.

Well, then, is there also an economy with frowns?

No, frowns are unpriced for they occur rampantly. An infestation, really.

Then I shall savour your rare smiles. But, so as not to be wasteful, I shall savour your frowns equally. Either way, I shall delight myself.

You do please yourself.

Yes, I do.

Very well then.

I walk in you

Image from Mackie Images

I take a walk in you, enchanted by your forests of cedar through which the evening breeze wanders. Ah, what intoxication! Your perfume sweeps me into ecstasy, leaving me spent like a useless drop of sweat. Here I am, no good to anyone but you, lying as I do on the ground of your being.

Look, look at how the moons have assembled to pay you homage! Look at how you have stilled the cosmic storms with the lifting of your eyelids. Watch how star dust is stirred from their sleep to reshape as jewels upon your hair. Behold, all of life longs to please you. As I do.

I find it hard to believe and yet I have no reason to disbelieve.

No, my love, none at all.

Finally

I know. I have been waiting for the ‘right’ time, the perfect moment to return to you.

Until then, you shut me out.

I really don’t mean to. I just don’t feel that I would be doing you justice by trying to catch up with you in between the other things I have to do.

I am not offended my love, not at all. But the time may not be far off when you will want nothing else but to be with me, for in me your eternal longings will be fulfilled.

Wouldn’t that cut me off from everybody and everything else? Wouldn’t it be unhealthy?

My darling, when you are truly with me, you will truly be present to all else, for there is no separation between me and the rest of the world, indeed none between you and the rest of the world.

I wish I could truly understand the things that you say.

These things are beyond understanding my precious one. Rather, they are to be known, or should I say, they are already known, though asleep. You will awaken them when you fall in love with me. Again.

Again?

Yes, again.

You couldn't be more perfect

That’s right. You are perfection. For you the world exists. For you, I exist. I could ask for nothing more nor could you be anything less. Can you not see why I love you so completely?

I…

Do not be afraid to speak, my twilight, my dawn!

I smell the sweet scent of your presence. It is the scent of ancient worlds. Why is that?

It surprises you?

No, strangely enough. It causes me to forget where I am.

Where you are is right here, in this scent, as am I.

Oh, do not confuse me. Do not tell me things you know I will not understand. Let me just be here in your arms. That’s all.

Then I shall kiss your forehead just so and search the back of your neck with my lips.

What do you expect to find?

Why, mysteries, of course! Mysteries and more mysteries!