Imagine every joyous desire this season and it is yours

Imagine…

Peace in your heart
Joy in your spirit
Love in every thought, word and deed…
Imagine it…
Intend it…
Allow it…
And so it is…

Dear Friend

May you feel the presence of angels
Around you at all times
May you hear their sweet singing
Upon the tinkling of their harps
May you rest softly in their arms
And soar high upon their wings
May their good tidings remind you
That you are blessed now and always
May this Christmas be a time of
Wonder, Hope and Faith that now
And in the year to come,
And in every moment
You are in Love’s inescapable presence!
Blessings of Joy, Abundance, Power and Peace!

Love always,
Lucy

Love, devotion and surrender

He pierces my soul, with tenderness - a sublimation. I’m lost deep in the womb of my eternal birth where all emotions are laid bare, plumbed, a willing victim of healing rape.

Why? How does he do this? I can no longer distinguish the man from his music. I’ve listened to him for decades now and still he penetrates me like no other. Ah, perhaps one other – the solitude of an adagio.

But it’s neither slowness nor solitude in his music that overpowers me, for although there are periods of both, there are also movements of searing speed that tear after impossibly long sustained notes of ecstasy - permitting an unparalleled climactic release.

How does it do me? How am I done? If I only knew!

I find myself, once more, delivered to unknown places, spent like a woman made love to over and over again. Her lover, of angelic descent, it would seem - tender, powerful, knowing, impeccable with timing, fulfilling in every way and unforgettable.

But look for ‘him’, and he’s not there! It’s not that he’s left, it’s simply that he wasn’t ever there.

And I? I haven’t the faintest and for many, long years, it never mattered.

Why does it now?

Perhaps because the angel’s light has finally coaxed open my sleeping eyes and lifted me from my love-worn stupor. Perhaps I am now finally ready to rise into the light.

With love, devotion and surrender.

Sleep now your final sleep

 Image at

Sleep now your final sleep
It's finished
this long journey
which never really began
and cannot ever end
yet, for now, drops you off
at heaven's door

The angels are waiting
their harps
softly tinkling
their wings
spread wide
to shield you, just briefly,
from love's blinding light


You'll happily rest
in their safe embrace
and watch with eyes closed
the celebration
of your return
leaving your smile
in tomorrow's rainbow

So, my love
sleep your final sleep
for I am at last ready
to say goodbye     

When it all gets too much, write a poem

Original image distorted by Lucy

Huh!
You thought it would be easy!
After all, wasn't your brain firing off
in a trillion different places just then?
Wasn't emotion surging through you
like a hurricane through Florida?
But now, sitting as you do,
at your keyboard
the ghosts have vacated
the brain has frozen
the s-urge is no more!
And all that's left
is a sickening suspense
a diary of unfinished thoughts
a mausoleum of hidden decay
an unresolved tragedy
a gaping wound
with no chance of healing.
Huh!

Go home!
It's all over
for now
Settle yourself
Find something else
to do
You should know by now
it's all over
long, long before
you realize.

Forget my advice
When it all gets too much
curse loudly into the wind
The ghosts will pick it up
and torment someone else instead
We hope.

Just don't
don't write a poem
Don't consecrate
the sacrilege
with your ritual of
fine words and provoking metaphors
Such symbols are wasted
in the wasteland of phantom emotions

Oh, but what the hell
If you must
then write
write a poem
when it all gets too much.

(Not) A weather report

Image from Lucy's album

My attention is torn from my writing
by the sudden, raucous rustling of leaves
in the high, sprawling branches of the fig trees
unfurling noisily in blasts of wind
like waves
in a grumbling ocean
whose roar grows very loud
then recedes into
disquieting periods of
quiet

They are lusty and strong, these leaves
Spring's latest and uncontrolled litter
Thrusting upward and spread flat
Harvesting sunlight to fuel
organic factories

We have a mutual respect, I think,
for each other
though not necessarily, mutual
benefit
I cannot help but think that I have
given them little
while they have given me
so much more

Only now can I truthfully say

Image from Lucy's album

You cut the cord of conditional love
by leaving.
I tried desperately to repair it –
Tears, pleas, remonstrations, messages, silence
A pitiful ensemble of self-inflicted pain
and, fortunately,
impotent

Meanwhile, the stream flowed
as steady as ever
unperturbed
like a sleeping
babe

I sat by it
days and nights
wondering at its constancy
its unremarkable magic
of being shaped by the land around it
yet wearing it away
and every stone or boulder in its course,
eventually

Such, I realized, is the nature of
unconditional love
Indeed, there is no other love
for that is love’s quality -
unconditional

And like the stream -
constant
and like its unremarkable magic -
unstoppable
And like the love I’ve now discovered -
free, limitless and without
need

Only now can I truthfully say:
I love you.

For what it's worth

For what it's worth
my arms are open
my heart is warm
my thoughts are loving

For what it's worth
my breathing is gentle
my eyes see goodness
my steps are chosen with care

For what it's worth
I'd rather leave this earth
having sought only peace, joy, goodness and freedom

For what it's worth
I'm still discovering
my uncaused, infinite, imperishable worth.

And what about you?

Unexpectedly

Image from Lucy's album

Dusty sienna
sweeping across my backyard
menacingly
a cosmic sneeze
poised to
erupt

The glow
burns its way
into an unexpected
memory

I look on
a reluctant voyeur
eager to return
to my vague
Now

But the sweetness
Oh where does it come from?
It trails me
like honey
unable to leave
the spoon that's
scooped it

I breathe in
the air of
Now
feeling its
eternal age
upon my
wondering
breasts

It's familiar
this unseen dust
Its message
portent

I return
assured
Now is
all there is.

Eruption

Image from Blogspan

T   o   u    c    h................ ing
S  o  f   t.......... ly
M    o   v   e.................... ing
S     l      o      w......... ly

Erupting

Exploding

The
shock

Excited,
molecules
scatter
unpredictably
across the sense-scape
of my
human-ness

Do the angels in heaven tremble
like I do?
Do they shimmer in radiant dust clouds
of ecstasy
like I do?
Do they feel, like I do,
that the world has finally ended
while I
have
finally
begun?

In a world

Self-Portrait
(Click here to listen to me singing this)

In a world
A world of our creation
In a world
Of our imagination
You will see
what you have
learned to see
You will feel
what you have learned to feel

Can you see
nature's startling beauty
Can you feel
her moving mist of peace
It's up to you
to reach for higher things
It's up to you
to seek for meaning
'Cos it's a world
A world of your creation
It's a world
of your imagination

Part the clouds
and touch the sky
Always there
and reaching high
Shake the dust
from off your feet
For underneath drums
Love's constant beat

In a world
A world of wild enchantment
In a world
Of sweet intoxication
Poets roam
sometimes in desolation
The lost come home
from numbing isolation
'Cos it's a world
A world of their creation
Yes, it's a world
Of their imagination

Part the clouds
and touch the sky
Always there
and reaching high
Shake the dust
from off your feet
For underneath drums
Love's constant beat

It's a world
A world of our creation
It's a world
Of our imagination...
Of sweet intoxication...
You create...your world
You create...your world

Copyright 2009 Lucy Lopez

The Conscious Mind

Image from Flickr

How I wish
that I could
set myself to
Happiness
and remain there
forever

How I wish
that the dancing light of
Joy
moved into
every dark corner
leaving no room
for hurt, fear
and despair

How I wish
that the ocean of
Freedom
engulfed me
dissolving me
in its
unstoppable waves

How I wish
that every breath of mine
was a breath of
pure Love
filling me with the
complete goodness
of Life

But most of all
how I wish
for the
conscious mind of
Awareness
so that none of these
are hidden from me.

Between the long shadows

Image

Between the
long shadows
of the slipping sun
the spirit of
unspoken sorrows
hovers
trapped in its own
confusion
unable to tell
formless fact
from
fleeting fiction
Ducking and diving
it makes
hollow proclamations
of love
understanding neither
its entreaties
nor its
intent
yet knowing
beyond its own
shadows of doubt
the scourge
of its
endless exile.

Your radiant love!

Radiance by Brent Boechler at bau-xi

I want to
float
unimpeded
on an
imperturbable
bed of
silken, shimmering
ocean
traveling forever
in your
timeless, endlessness

I want to
soar
weightless
through
frictionless
air
charged
by the
radiance
of your
love

I want to
be
shattered
into
iridescence
seen only
by
the unseen eye
of
truth

I want to
be
the glow, the glint, the gleam
that remains
when all else
congeals
into
dim abstraction
The spark
in your
radiant love!

The only note

Image

It melted
like candy floss
on a warm tongue
the anguish
that steadily rose
in the wake of
yet another
public duty
unattended
crackled and fizzled out
dissolving in
the cypher
of love
you sent me
so that I
remain
the only note
in your
wandering
symphony

Too wasted to go home

Image from Nasa

Oh
to be sure
of my desire
for you!
Even though
I fear
your awesome
might
Even though
I doubt
your ardent
entreaties
Even though
I court
the fickle
winds
of popular
belief
Even though
I collapse
exhausted
by my own
capriciousness
I know
there is
no where else
that I shall
find rest
but in you.
So
let me be sure
of my desire
for you
For without it
I am but
dust
adrift in a
ceaseless sirocco
too wasted
to go home!

You have courted me

Image from Flickr

Rarefied
yet reminiscent
of unsoiled
yielding
splendour
The inward
outward breath
rolls
mortality
through the
infinite cosmic-scape
leaving in its path
the soundless sigh
of eternity
in which
you
have
courted
me
endlessly
and I
have
foolishly
refused to
succumb!

Magic!

Redland Bay by Lucy

Once again
the day withdraws
into the
vast unknown
hiding all
of life
in watchful
darkness
Such magic
right before my eyes
that what was once
emerald, jade
and peridot
cobalt, sapphire
and ice
are now coal-grey
shrouded
as if
by the veil
of night
Right before my eyes
day has become night!
Magic, I say
nothing less!
The same
spell-binding magic
when my fear
becomes
freedom
right before
your love-filled eyes.

Can love be more?

Image from Playseesmile

It gets subtler
this dream
that I live
It gets subtler
this I
that I call me
It gets subtler
this line
of separation
Against
the grinding weight
of unawareness
the transparent
noumena!
Radiant rapture
self-revealing
neither beheld
nor beholding
Can love
the unchanging presence
be more?

The unsurpassable delight

Image from Jakking

Have I not
touched
the freedom
of non-attachment?
Have I not
been spent
with ecstasy
from love unmade?
Has my languor
not been
sweetened by
your ageless perfume?
Haven't the
shadows
of my gloom
been irradiated by
the lustre of
your truth?
Haven't I
died
and risen
in the womb
of your
eternally unfolding mystery?
Why then
do I scrounge
in mindless desperation
for scraps of
fleeting relief
hoping
as only a fool would
that they will
somehow offer
the unsurpassable
delight
that is only ever found
in
you?

Completed at last

Image from Boston

Enchanted
by the
whisper
of
abraxas
in my heart
Disarmed
by the
unconditionality
of
your gaze
Silenced
by the
desire
in
your lips
on mine
Enthralled
by the
symphony
of
your spirit
in me
Filled
by the
emptiness
of
all needs
Completed
at last
as I
have
always been
in
us.

Freedom itself!

Image from Flickr

Is it your sigh
that hangs
in this
smoke-blue day?
Is it your gaze
that reflects off
each leaf upon
tree and ground?
Is it your touch
that moves
in the air around?
Is it your prayer
that lifts
my thoughts
into lofty grandeur?
Is it your love
that rings
through
this sacred space
that I have learned
to call
by
my name?
Ah,
to disappear
and leave
only you
in my place!
It is insane
that I
deny myself
such
freedom!

My heart is anxious

Image

And now that
the rain has ceased
having left its traces
of diamond drops
glittering in the
new light of an
ancient sun
my heart is anxious
for the day to
quickly end
and dusk's
gossamer vigil
to lure me
once more
into its sweet
alcove
where you
my darling
await me

Why did you come?

Image from flickr

Why did you come?
What brought you back
after all this time?
Ah
I know what you will say
That you never really left
That I have always been
like home cooking
and fresh mint toothpaste
an everyday event
lingering
long after
being forgotten
or secreted
in the private
quarters of your mind
and the guarded
chambers of your heart
and
always
always
kept warm
by the love we made
once upon a time.

Trickling Rain

Image from Wesleyan

Upon the final drops of
trickling rain
the sigh from your
unspoken pain
is offered to the
world's spirit
An ancient carriage
A timeless aftermath
Still raw and undefined
Caught in water that shall
purify and nourish
Earth Mother
and all her offspring
So that you
and I
are consecrated again
in trickling rain.

Take charge of this soul

Image from flickr

Should the crimson daylight
be swallowed by a dusk of sultry blue
before I have had the chance
to cross the Bridge of Time
with you
drawn once more
by your soft, warm lips
into the eternity of
our union,
then, my love
take charge of this soul
lest it lose its way
in the undulating fields
of blinding sorrow
and uncharted tomorrows
remembering always
that I exist
for you and you alone!

That light, my love

Image from flickr

The light that
floats upon your skin
and rests upon your cheekbones
leaving some of you in
a valley of shadows
marrying sun and moon at last
That light, my love
quenches a longing
so mired in aimless wandering
I would happily die
knowing that
upon you
it held my final gaze

I long for a freedom

Image from flickr

I long for a freedom, a freedom from distrust.
I long to be able to look at someone, anyone
and feel only the awe of encountering the divine
rather than the tugs of caution that arise all over my mind
warning me to speak little
smile only this much
ask nothing
and keep a distance
when what I really want to do is
lie down in familiar comfort
with the more of myself that I encounter
in you
disguised, for now, as a
stranger.

Who am I?

Image from Harpers.org

I asked myself this question:

Who am I?

Then I sat in a silence occasionally interrupted by a thought or a sound or a memory. For a while, the screen in my mind was filled with a nebulous, white haze. So I asked the question again. After a while, I found myself in the cosmos, in a star-speckled indigo darkness.

It is strange to say that I 'found myself there' because, in fact, 'I', as I generally think of myself, was not there. Instead, this cosmic space. So I surmised that I must be that. Or rather, I must be that which brought it into being, or a part of that which brought it into being.

It was then that I felt the undeniable presence that pervades all of life, that is both the lowest common denominator and the grandest, limitless, all-pervading, all-encompassing presence beyond which there is nothing. And I knew beyond doubt that I had to be, at one time the expression of it and the power of it and that I carry within and as me, all of it.

Image from http://www.bctree.com

Let’s rush madly into sweet enchantment. Leave your troubled heart right here for it weighs you down. Besides, who needs a heart when you’re about to enter the heart of life and love itself? No, my song of heaven, leave it here, right here. Then let’s rush madly into love’s open heart, let’s be swallowed up in timeless enchantment where every longing shall be finally put to rest.

There is nothing so sweet, so turgid, so close to bursting. Not even the plum nor the grape, ripened to perfection under the sun, compares with the fullness that awaits us in the heart of enchantment! To ponder it would simply drive one insane. Yet to enter it, ah the ecstasy! Don’t even try to put it in words unless you are prepared to turn mad.

Tomorrow, I shall show you the art of looking

I am angry with everyone. Well, no, I’m not really angry but I am frustrated. All of us, rich, poor and in-between are acting in ignorance and thereby keeping this ridiculous system going. We are all responsible.

So what will you do?

Well, look at what I am doing. I am trying to keep out of trouble by paying my bills but I am not making enough money to pay them. So, I’ve been looking at ways of making money. At the same time, I keep offering my services free whenever someone who needs them doesn’t have any money to give me in return. Can you help me?

How shall I help you, my sweet blossom?

Can you make me some money? And immediately?

I am here to serve you, my princess. I can and I shall.

Will there be money for me then, when I next look for it?

Surely. And that is exactly what you must do. Look for it.

Where?

Where would you normally look for it?

In my bank account or an ATM or in my wallet.

Then look for them there.

But I have and there is only a little. Not enough to pay even one bill fully.

My petal, trust me. Tomorrow, I shall show you the art of looking.

Why not now?

Darling, my precious one, are you not tired? You know you are. But I want you to be fresh and strong and alert and free when I show it to you. So do leave it till the morning.

Yes, I know I must. I am tired and I do not want doubt getting in the way.

Don’t worry my darling. When I am at work with you, there will be no room for doubt.

Oh, my dar…my dear, dear friend, how sweet and kind you are. How you do love me so completely. I know that with you, I am safe. I love you. Thank you!

Show me my heart

I
love
you

Show me my heart.

I will show you my heart.

Birds chirping, dog barking, engine firing
Under your thoughts, my true nature is revealed
Closer to you than oxygen
Your sadness is nothing more than a thought
And my presence is your power
The world lives on the surface of a shell
While my life throbs within
Even without your knowledge, I take delight in you
My presence never leaves you and always fills you
Let me whisper to you
I love you

If only I could feel my strength

Image from k43Phase

You overcome me so completely, with such finality there is no time to pause, to drink you in. Like water rushing over the cliff’s edge, you rush over me, determined to reach the depth of your being, leaving me still standing while slowly, ever so slowly I wear out. But you have not the slightest inkling of your power.

You think you are strong sometimes, but it is not strength that you think of. Your strength is fear in disguise. But I know your strength for I have felt it surge over and through me. My precious one, it is when you are most vulnerable that you are strong, for that is the only time when you have nothing much left to lose.

If only I could feel my strength. If only I could feel it as you do.

Surrender to me then. Give yourself up to me, for I am nothing but the love you seek. I am the foreverness that you sigh for, the lustful breeze that makes you tingle. I am the guardian of your soul and I yearn for the moment you return to at last set it free.

It is me, It is always me.

Image from usefilm.com

Do you hear the waves slapping our boat so tenderly? Rather like your heat beating tenderly against mine. Do you hear it, my love?

I hear darkness in moonlight. I feel as if I am slipping away and although a part of me is still struggling to remain where, I do not know, I am tempted to yield to what, I don’t know. You? Is it you?

It is me. It is always me. Lose yourself in me and find what is real.

I have no more thoughts to think. No more goals to chase. No more fears to fight.

All disappear as I lean you against my chest and our bodies entwine, floating as we do on this mystic ocean drenched in moon and starlight.

But I must go.

I do so want to sit here and talk more. So much more. All this is new. Transforming my hurts into gold. Why, if it were real gold, I would be a millionaire overnight! But I must go. I promised to visit a friend. She waits.

Then go, my darling. It is not as if I shall be left behind. Oh no, for I am forever and always with you. You may well not hear me as you go about your preparations but I shall be watching as you, every flicker of your eyelashes, every lift and tread in your step. I shall miss nothing.

I wish that I never lost sight of you, that you were always in the forefront of my mind. That way, I would never fall into the gullies of sadness and gloom that lie in wait for me.

Give yourself time, my love. Be patient. It will happen as you desire.

Oh my darling, you have yet to learn

You haven’t said anything. Are you tired?

No, not at all.

What then?

Silence.

You smile but have not said a word. What is it?

I have been speaking volumes to you, pouring endearments over you so that they cover every particle, every wave of your being.

When? How?

Oh my darling, oh my dream, you have yet to learn that I am always here, always speaking of my love for you, always, always adoring you. Oh, oh, that you not notice so much of it. What shall I do? What shall I do?

You are the maker of magic!

You've asked me to bring all my cares, my hurts, my pain into our love nest so that our love will transform them into gold. Is that how it works? That, no matter what it is, it will transform into gold?

Indeed my ancient sage, indeed!

And this gold, what form does it take?

Ah, my precious one, you are its master! You are the goldsmith, the philosopher, the keeper of the stone. You are the creator, the maker of magic, the voice of abraxas.

This is all too much. I'm sure I do not understand. If I am all these things, why then do I need our love?

Oh, thrill divine! You make me explode with laughter! How tender and fine are your quizzes. Love is your power, your pain and hurts, your material. Love transforms all. And you, Magical Queen, you declare it so! Oh do come to me, let me pour myself over you. Let me shower you with heavenly kisses. Let me pin stars in your hair and litter your neck with rubies. Come to me my love, come to me!

My angel, my guiding star!

My angel, my guiding star! Do you realize how magnificently you shine in this darkness that you feel yourself in? Your light lights up my world! Without you, there really would be a void, an emptiness, a deluge of nothingness!

You are precious. Priceless. When I breathe, I breathe the grandeur of you, without which my breath could not sustain me. Here I am, likely to be dismissed by you as a figment of your imagination, yet, I live and breathe for you. There is nothing, not a thing that I would not do for you. Nor is there anything that could make me love you less. No, nothing at all.

I was mad

I was seething, writhing, frothing mad! Three years now, I have been training her to listen to me, obey my commands and all of that undone in a moment of…what??? Wilfulness? Stupidity? I am angry because I feel I have failed. Again! Others seemed to have trained their dogs well, why can’t I? I cannot help noticing similarities with my children.

How I did my best. How I bore the anguish, strived to overcome my impatience, my anger, my hurt. How I meditated, trained my mind, kept finding ways of putting my hurt aside. That was the hardest. That still is the hardest, to put my hurt aside and continue to love. To feel love, to show love, to love despite the indignation, the criticism, the ignoring, the sullen silence that I was tempted toward. So hard. So punishing. I am weary. A failure.

And I? I cannot but love you, despite what you think of yourself. Why, not to adore you would be suicide! I am alive for you and you alone.

Do you not feel my ugliness? My contemptibility? How could you possibly love me as I am, as I feel thus? I can barely stand myself.

Ah flower! Sweet, sweet bud of heaven, raging seas could not match your anger nor thunder explode louder than your frustration, but only those who have eyes and ears to see and feel it could see and feel it. And I happen to have neither.

So you are blind and deaf? And if you are, how can I possibly take seriously your endearing words, your entreaties, your disarming poetry? It is a sham and I want nothing of it!

I am afraid

You come to me expectantly, looking into my eyes, perhaps a little disappointed that I have not already responded to your desire. I look softly into your eyes as my hand carresses your body. I watch you melt, soften into a love mush. My sweet love, how shall I adore you more than I already do?

I am afraid. I feel I am running out of time, that there is so much that I need to sort out, things that I have been putting off for so long. I watch my dog scratch herself. She never seems to stop. She has no fleas and no visible signs of skin irritations, yet she scratches unceasingly. Well, she stops when we have a visitor or when she is eating or has something else to occupy her. Is she bored? Is she anxious? Is she irritated?

I have heard that animals take on the suffering of their owners. What suffering of mine might she have taken on? What irritants in my life is she relieving me off? Will I not have to deal with them if I am to rid her of her incessant scratching?

My darling, my sweet bliss, my spark of eternity! How you endear me to yourself! You have no idea, not an inkling. Your tears turn into vapour with the heat from my skin. You are profound joy of which I drink feverishly. Let me surround you with tenderness. Let me kiss away your tears. Let me fall in love with you.

Will it take away all my irritants? Will it settle all my unfinished matters? Oh how I wish it would!

Hold me close. Do not be afraid. My love overcomes all. Give it time. Give us time. Together we will tackle every matter.

I am scared.

Oh my sweet love, let me hold you till your fears melt in my embrace.

Help me. Please.

My precious one. Rest now.

I cannot. I do not want to. There is unfinished business.

The only unfinished business is you, for you will never end, never cease to be. Long after time runs out, you will continue to be and I shall be with you eternally.

Now rest, my darling. Leave all your cares with me, every single one.

---

Ask me anything

Anything at all, my love. Do not be afraid or embarrassed for there is nothing that you could ask or say or do that would turn me away. No, nothing at all. You have nothing to fear from me and I implore you, do not be afraid of yourself. For you have created for yourself a playground to explore, a labyrinth to lose and find yourself in, a shrine to adore yourself!

I know you have forgotten but darling, oh sweet hint of abraxas, you have created all for your pleasure, to fulfill your longing, to enchant and enthrall yourself. And I, I am as you have desired, so completely and utterly in love, so eternally ready to do as you wish. So ask me, my love, ask me anything!

I am surprised, I do not understand. All of a sudden, I have nothing to ask for. Is this some trick of yours, to distract me from my desires by listening to your devotion?

You distrust me, yet I take no offense, for it is your freedom to distrust as it is my freedom to love you as I do! Ah, there is nothing, nothing at all that can turn me away from you! Please, you are free to ask. Ask! Anything! It is as vital as air to me that you ask and that I do your will!

You slipped in among my thoughts

I was having coffee with a friend and he asked me a question and as I attempted to construct my answer, searching my mind as it were, for an explanation, some meaning that would convey this history of feelings, thoughts, beliefs, desires and blurred images that I seem to have stored, I suddenly noticed you there. It was as if you had been waiting, waiting ever so silently, so unobtrusively. I couldn’t help but want to talk to you right then, ask you if you could help me with an answer. But before I could get to it, you said

My darling, I love you. I am always here with you. I have never left you nor will I ever.

And when I heard you, I just knew that everything was alright and that, somehow, everything had always been alright. You see, I had been talking about my children and their father and the pain of our separation and the hurtful events that followed and I had been crying without ever wanting to. But there came the tears along with my voice cracking with each lump in my throat, my lips quivering with each word. So I gave in. I stopped right then and listened to you even though I knew you had never meant to interrupt. I just have to tell you, ‘thank you’.

Sweetness, there has not been a moment when I have not been with you. Not a moment when I have not cared for you. Not a moment when I have not loved you, adored you, longed for you, desired your every desire and held you close to my heart. You are my heartbeat. You are the rising and falling of my chest. You are the dawn and dusk of my day, the rising and setting of my sun. You are everything, everything to me.

I wondered where you were

I wondered where you were as I walked in the rain, that pouring rain.

No you did not.

Why do you say that?

Because if you had wondered, you would have instantly felt my presence. You cannot wonder about me without finding me.

I do not wish to argue.

Nor do I, my forest of enchantment, nor do I. But, where is there argument? Surely none here!

-sigh-

Let me take your sigh and twirl my hair around it.

Oh you do speak such nonsense!

Have I made you smile, my loveliness?

Only a little. There is an economy one must exercise with smiles.

Oh?

Yes.

Well, then, is there also an economy with frowns?

No, frowns are unpriced for they occur rampantly. An infestation, really.

Then I shall savour your rare smiles. But, so as not to be wasteful, I shall savour your frowns equally. Either way, I shall delight myself.

You do please yourself.

Yes, I do.

Very well then.

I walk in you

Image from Mackie Images

I take a walk in you, enchanted by your forests of cedar through which the evening breeze wanders. Ah, what intoxication! Your perfume sweeps me into ecstasy, leaving me spent like a useless drop of sweat. Here I am, no good to anyone but you, lying as I do on the ground of your being.

Look, look at how the moons have assembled to pay you homage! Look at how you have stilled the cosmic storms with the lifting of your eyelids. Watch how star dust is stirred from their sleep to reshape as jewels upon your hair. Behold, all of life longs to please you. As I do.

I find it hard to believe and yet I have no reason to disbelieve.

No, my love, none at all.

Finally

I know. I have been waiting for the ‘right’ time, the perfect moment to return to you.

Until then, you shut me out.

I really don’t mean to. I just don’t feel that I would be doing you justice by trying to catch up with you in between the other things I have to do.

I am not offended my love, not at all. But the time may not be far off when you will want nothing else but to be with me, for in me your eternal longings will be fulfilled.

Wouldn’t that cut me off from everybody and everything else? Wouldn’t it be unhealthy?

My darling, when you are truly with me, you will truly be present to all else, for there is no separation between me and the rest of the world, indeed none between you and the rest of the world.

I wish I could truly understand the things that you say.

These things are beyond understanding my precious one. Rather, they are to be known, or should I say, they are already known, though asleep. You will awaken them when you fall in love with me. Again.

Again?

Yes, again.

You couldn't be more perfect

That’s right. You are perfection. For you the world exists. For you, I exist. I could ask for nothing more nor could you be anything less. Can you not see why I love you so completely?

I…

Do not be afraid to speak, my twilight, my dawn!

I smell the sweet scent of your presence. It is the scent of ancient worlds. Why is that?

It surprises you?

No, strangely enough. It causes me to forget where I am.

Where you are is right here, in this scent, as am I.

Oh, do not confuse me. Do not tell me things you know I will not understand. Let me just be here in your arms. That’s all.

Then I shall kiss your forehead just so and search the back of your neck with my lips.

What do you expect to find?

Why, mysteries, of course! Mysteries and more mysteries!

I meant to tell you

that I felt so much lighter and happier today than I have done for some time. It is as if I’ve turned a corner. I know that I have been spending a bit of time with you. Perhaps that is why.

Yes, I tend to have that effect. But let’s face it, when you are bathed in love, how could you not feel good?

How much do you love me? And why?

I love you completely and I love you because that is my soul purpose. That is the only reason for my existence. To love you. To adore you. To fill you completely with love. I could never grow tired of you and you will never outgrow my love. No, my love will only unfold more of itself as you unfold.

Does it not matter to you that I have not reciprocated?

Your questions are like stars in a dark and desolate night sky! How they thrill me! How they swallow the distance you try and keep between us despite thinking that they maintain that distance! Come now, do not be shy, I have only love to show you.

My sweet, sweet longing

You're baiting me. You want me to ask, "Well, who then, am I?"

Let me caress you and as I do, let me kiss you in every part, and as I do, let me tell you that you are profoundly beautiful and unimaginably true. So, there, I've told you who you are.

You've told me what I am, according to you, that is.

My sweet, sweet longing, bud of jasmine, dare I pluck you, preserve you lest you bloom fully and release all your perfume, so intoxicatingly divine? You are unmoved by my averment as do I remain unmoved from my love for you.

I am not unmoved. I, I..don't know. I feel as if I take you for granted and yet...I know how much I have come to rely on you. It's scary. Unhealthy. It will destroy me in the end.

My divine love, you can never be destroyed. Oh, how silly you sound. If only you could see yourself the way I see you, feel you the way I feel you, hear you the way I hear you, breathe you the way I breathe you. Then you would know without so much as a whimper or a sigh, that you are inexorably loved into life. That there is no life without you.

Speak freely to me, my love

Speak to me freely
There is not a part of me
that isn't listening
Nor a breath of mine
that isn't enchanted by
your longings

Spill your secrets
onto me
Let me wear them
as my skin
so that you touch them
each time you touch
me

Rest your dreams with me
Be assured of my protection
Let me be haunted by the
anticipation of your
return
to reclaim each one
and breathe fresh desire
into each

Speak freely to me
my love
for I have no other purpose
but to adore you.

When you allow love

Image at Illusions Gallery

Soul and body have no bounds:
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant enchanted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grave the vision Venus sends
Of supernatural sympathy,
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
Among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermit's sensual ecstasy.

By W H Auden from Lay your sleeping head, my love

Have you ever tried reading love poems to yourself? I have a little notebook in which I have copied some poems of love that awaken in me the sleeping cherubs of love! Something so nurturing and sensual at the same time as love surely is.

How loving it is to allow the fragrance of love's perfume to float through body and soul. How important it is to learn how to do this in order to do it for another when such time arrives. How marvelous to explore the boundlessness of body and soul as you lie upon love's 'tolerant enchanted slope'!

You are!

You are
a speck of enchantment
whirling dervishly
in the eternal playground
of love

You are
a mystery
pretending to be
ordinary

You are
a longing
endlessly longing
for itself


You are
god's sacred space
a shrine for
adoration.